Unlearn Your “Good” Asian Upbringing
You’re stuck—resentful, anxious, and burnt out.
You were taught to never “rock the boat”, to be the best, and yet keep your head down and be “humble”.
I help Asian Americans unlearn survival rules and rebuild emotional skills for boundaries, self-trust, and real connection.
Ready to stop performing and finally show up for yourself?
Someone probably told you to try therapy?
Your partner says you shut down during arguments.
You’ve heard it from your partner: "You’re not assertive enough."
Or from a friend: "You're way too hard on yourself."
And you?
You avoid conflict until it explodes.
You work twice as hard, but still feel behind.
You’re tired of feeling like you’re never doing enough.
You’re tired of dreading family gatherings but going anyways.
You’re tired of feeling alone—even when you’re surrounded by family and friends.
You’ve probably told yourself:
"I should be able to figure this out on my own."
"I don’t want to rock the boat."
"Everyone’s going through this, right?"
You’ve started to wonder if anxiety, burnout, or those fights in your relationship are signs something deeper is going on.
The Deeper Problem?
This isn’t just anxiety.
It’s not just burnout.
It’s not even just “family stuff.”
Its not a character FLAW.
The REAL issue is your Good Asian Upbringing.
Its showing up in your adult life in ways that no one taught you to recognize.
But heres the hard truth:
Most therapy wasn’t designed for someone like YOU:
You’re shaped by the pressure-cooker of Asian Upbringing.
BUT
Most THERAPISTS don’t treat the cultural conditioning that you’ve gone through
They expect you to have ability to “love yourself” when your parents never showed you how
They’re not able to see past your high functioning, facade, and think that you must be “fine” cause you say you’re “fine.”
Traditional therapy expects you to do exactly what your Good Asian Upbringing taught you NOT to do.
They don’t understand how “tell me how you feel” is just another intellectual exercise.
Or how discovering your “inner child” feel wrong you were told to “grow up”.
Or how setting boundaries with your parents is BETRAYAL.
This isn’t your fault.
BUT it doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you.
You need A Specialist.
Every other therapist will treat your "anxiety" , “depression,” or "relationship issues."
They maybe even touch on your “intergenerational trauma.”
I treat the root cause: the cultural programming that created these patterns in the first place.
Your Good Asian Upbringing.
I’m Alex Ly, The Bad Asian Therapist.
I’ve helped high-achieving, self-critical, emotionally exhausted Asian Americans go from “barely holding it all together” to finally “feeling held” — by themselves, by the people in their lives, and by a version of adulthood that doesn’t run on guilt and performance.
That’s what I offer you: a way unlearn your Good Asian Upbringing that make sense.
I understand Good Asian Upbringing because I lived it.
I know why you get anxious at all-you-can-eat buffets.
I know why compliments at work make you uncomfortable.
I know why "just be yourself" feels impossible when you were never allowed to figure out who that was.
Not only do I get it (Lots of other therapists might “get it”) I have the insight, know hows, and practical tools to actually OVERCOME it!
And I’ve helped clients just like YOU
They are:
Good sons/daughters who always kept the peace — now speaking up for themselves.
Tech worker and High ACHIEVERS who looked perfect on paper — finally learning how “be enough.”
New parents scared becoming like their own parents — now parenting differently than before.
People-pleasers who never said no — now saying it without apology, and meaning it.
